Jan 31

Ex
Pharaoh has a lot of nerve, after being such a brat, asking to be blessed. New humility coupled with recognition that God is kind hearted?

Symbolism is a big deal to God. Makes me feel better that I enjoy it so.

Matt

So, the people are shouting "Save, Save" Wonder how intertwined the spiritual and political were and how aware they were of the Zeph prophecy.

Ps

Done time here.

Pr

That last verse. Never seen it. Worked to teach myself to not even hope for it.

Jan 30th

Ex
...and the award for stubbornness goes to....

Moses didn't fully disclose. He states things so that Pharaoh could think the people would be back after they sacrificed.

v4 Moses doing the talking now?

Matt
This one is pretty hard for me. Although the landowner is the boss, my self interest still cries "Not fair!"

Note to self: James/John's mom. Don't follow this example no matter how much you think it would help.

Interesting to think about JESUS being under authority.

Pr
We sure quoted this first part a bunch when I was a kid. Great for anti procrastination, although I don't think a super procrastinator would hop up and start finishing projects.

Jan 29th

Ex
Fun talking to Sar last night about scripture. Caused me to do a bit of research this morning. That was fun.

v 18 magicians recognized gnats were God's doing

Ps
I appreciate this picture of God's majesty coupled with a call to our holiness and God's appreciation, expressed in blessing. How's that for a run on sentence?

Pr
Work tirelessly to get yourself out of a mess you made yourself. Now, that's how I roll.

Jan 28th

Gen

v9 Harder to "faith hear" when discouraged and doing harsh labor

v30 Moses...why would Pharaoh listen to me when the people I am to deliver won't listen to me

Matt

Forgiveness. I've worked a lot on this, but today I see a new thing...[that's been there all the time.] The Father has forgiven me over and over out of love. I need to be His extension by forgiving out of love, too.

Ps

Shepherd's psalm. Memories of the book that explains from a shepherd's perspective

Pr

True dat.

Jan 26th

Gen
God's direction was to catch the snake by its tail. That sounds like faith on Moses' part to me. He'd know not to do that, wouldn't he?

"slow of speech" Wonder if through all that Pharaoh court training, his teachers always told him he wasn't good. An opportunity to reclaim lost ground?

"Lord's anger burned" How many times have I looked at earthly problems and told the God of the universe, "No, I'm going on what I've seen so far." It certainly takes faith to try to trust this God we can't see rather than all the hurts we've experienced so far.

Good that God told Moses that he wouldn't be an instant success so his little faith was not shot. As he worked through the task, his confidenc grew.

Don't get the circumcise stuff. God went to the trouble of calling Moses and then he was about to kill him? He and his wife must have knows about the circumcision stuff? Moses would be killed because his son wasn't circumcised? I can see the parallel to moving the ark back home..."thanks for your worship but don't touch that ark" Points to the holiness requirement of God. Patient for a lot of stuff, but there is a line to not cross.

Another "Ugh" moment. Reminder that lots of times, before we get what God has promised, it gets worse instead of better.

Matt
"Greatest in the kingdom" No joke! Ah, to have the faith of a safe, loved child! Father, help me to make the change to become like a little child in the arena of faith!

"Things that cause to stumble" => "they must come"

Pr
Well, I sure do feel a sadness that Jim does not seem intoxicated by my love. Emptiness

Jan 26th

Gen
Ugh! Raised by another culture. You don't fit either place.

Years of living in Egypt. The Israelites fell out of favor probably little by little. So....if we don't tend the heritage we're given, will it become rustier and rustier. I'm thinkin' yes.

"He will not let you go unless a mighty hand compels him." At which point, it's good to have the mighty hand on your side

Matt
Ouch. "because you have so little faith" Well, that, too, falls under the category of love-trust-faith.

Here's an encouraging thing. Sounds like Peter defended Jesus beyond his own faith. Jesus knew this and comforted him and backed him up with a confirmation in miracle form. "Go, catch a fish"

Ps
This looks like a description of Jesus at the cross. I didn't think about him being scared.

Pr
I'm applying this to temptation, not an adultery, per se. Yep, I've sure hated discipline when it comes to food. Yep, the body image makes me groan. Yep, I get tired. Well, quit despising discipline when it comes to food. Easier typed than done, but this fast has provided a nice foothold...if I use it.

Jan 25

Gen
*Note: vs 15-16 When a stressful situation arose, the brothers defaulted to old scheming, self-protection. Did they think Joseph had not forgiven or that their behaviors had been too bad to forgive?

Matt
After Peter acknowledged Jesus as the Messiah, then Jesus began to explain the end plan. True on some levels for me, too? Rebuke about human concerns me, too?

Prov
If adulterous woman~ to any false religion, the premise is sure applicable. "The latest thing" is just that, "the latest thing." Those don't seem to have any lasting value.

Jan 24th

Gen
Lots of thoughts about Jacob and mixing the blessing of Joseph's sons. The practice of blessing your kids. The contents of the blessings of each of these kids.

Matt
With His healings, Jesus was the best ticket in town. I wonder how many of the crowd became followers. Today, when people see the power of God, I wonder how much followership ends up being "flavor of the month" and how many converts.

Interesting to think of the variety of interesting things that attracted people. The healing would be cool, for sure, but the intellectual superiority coupled with the caring would be more attractive to me.

Somewhat comforting to me, in an immature way, that his disciples didn't understand all that was going on.


Ps.
Convicting/Hard one for me. May the Lord provide ...My tendency is to ask for God to provide, then when He doesn't move fast enough for me, work to do it myself. Once again, clanging that same bell....is He safe to trust. Head knows the correct answer. Have examples of the correct answer. Honestly, not acting on it wholeheartedly.

Pr
Practical advice

Jan 23

Gen
Jacob blessed Pharaoh!

Matt
Impressed with the lady who wanted Jesus to heal her daughter. She seems pretty quick on her feet and willing to "talk back to" Jesus.

Ps
Law: perfect=> refreshing
Statutes: trustworthy=> wise
Precepts: right=>joy
Commands: radiant->giving light
Ordinances: sure=>
All => righteous

Jan 22

Just a bit...like I ever really write a bunch. I hadn't planned to write on the weekends, but I'm finding I'm really looking forward to the readings.

Gen
Joseph told his brothers to forgive themselves. That was gracious. If they did, it was only sort of because they were concerned about reprisal when their dad died

Matt
I don't think I've ever been as spontaneous as Peter. I do admire his trust to just get out of the boat and start to walk on the medium he knew so well to NOT be walkable.

Prov
Love this one.

Jan 21

Gen
Who knows what all God intended to accomplish in how many lives through this 7 yr famine. We only see the lives of this Hebrew family. Gives me pause, though, that it took a LONG time to get things in place for this family reconciliation. Trip to Egypt. Negotiation. Trip home. Run out of food. Negotiate with Dad. Trip back. Ah. Here's a note, too. The immediate goal for the family here was not reconciliation. That was God's deal. The goal for the biggest part of the family was food.

I don't want it to take that long with the various parts and various dramas in our family. But, who has a choice? I'll just keep praying.

"Benjamin's was 5x as much" This hits me both ways. Joseph honored him AND more nepotism.


Matt
v51. I hadn't noticed before that Jesus checked to see if his listeners understood his symbolism as he went.

Herod and family were a hot mess.

Ps
Sar, do you remember the song from vs 29-30?

So, the whole thing about rewards me for my righteousness sort of flies in the face of grace. I do work on being more and more righteous, but there is still lots and lots of self-doubt and plenty of lack of trust. I need to read The Shack again.

Jan 20

Gen
Even though the people had warning, there seems to not been enough room on a household level to save from the good times to help through the bad times.

Sar learned at Pitt that the Egyptians were xenophobic. This being true, what a big deal to put Joseph in charge. Along with the whole slave, been in jail thing, it certainly makes the point whom God wants to exalt will certainly be exalted.

Matt
I understand the parable, but I can make further application to just me, not just people who stay in the Christian field. There are too many weeds that have grown/are growing in me along with the good stuff. The goal is to find them and eliminate them when I realize them.

That's been an interesting thing about my work. I have the opportunity to see fine Christian people with glaring [to me] weeds. I figure my weeds may be glaring to other people. God, help me to see my weeds and get rid of them...not just from a surface perspective, but from the roots.

Ps
Thinking about Sar's comments on the 3 moods of David. It sure is easy to praise God when He's done something on our behalf, isn't it? It's a good thing. I'm thinking about what the counselor always says.."None of this surprises God. " So, although this is a thank you/praise psalm, I'm reminded to stay alert to what my attitude is in the hard parts. Confident, appreciative, teachable, patient would be good things

Pr
Another ad for wisdom. Solomon sure pushed its importance, but he was enticed away from applying it in his later years. I need to be mindful of that possibility. [probability?]

Insight on Matt 10:8

Early I learned this verse: Freely ye have received, freely give.

I knew I wasn't much of a giver. I've worked on that. There have been some major frustrations for me, particularly inside the family. I feel I've given and given and given, but not gotten back what I need in emotional support.

I've missed the first part of the verse. See it. Now to work on it. I need to focus on what I've been freely given by God. I need to develop the ability to recognize that. I've been working on accepting the love the Bible says God has given me, but I don't feel it. That work needs to be ongoing.

Along with that, my focus needs to be on recognizing that God gives me ALL I need....even emotional support. I keep applying the laws of sowing and reaping at the same time I'm applying Matt 10:8. The problem has been that I don't "own" that I have received.

Time out to appreciate what I've received.

Jan 19th

Gen
This is interesting in light of the "breaking of Joseph" thoughts from yesterday. Despite still being a slave, there's God blessing him such that others noticed. I wonder if Joseph recognized that he was being blessed in a bad situation while he was being humbled or if he just appreciated the residue of his former life. "Everything works out for ME." Wonder whether the thought processes of those people was more like ours [me first] or that of the eastern peoples [whatever will be will be] From what we've seen of Joseph's relatives, more like us.

I do appreciate his honor in the case of Potiphar's wife. Were it back home with his family of origin, I wonder if it would have been the same. Then, too, as I write, I wonder if it was honor or recognition that sleeping with her could bring his death.

Never noticed this before. The dreams. Joseph wasn't trained as a seer. His experience was with his own dreams. He just applied what worked for him to the baker and cupbearer

Matt
Wonder what an apocryphal Bible does with this "brothers" verse.

V 11 is scary, the part about those will a little will even lose that. I'm not sure I can think of an example of that. I've certainly seen success breeding success.

I do want to be good soil. Father, you have permission to do what you need to do to make me good soil.

Ps
Well, I'm glad I don't care for these verses like I did some years ago. Used to be I'd cheer, "Right on! Me, too!" for my opposition to "get theirs." Now, I'd like peace for me, but not so much reprisal. It's a personally encouraging thing to see an area where I've matured.

Jan 18th

Gen
I never noticed before that Leah's kids aren't mentioned as being there with Joseph at the first meeting.

So, this family is a mess. We've seen that for chapters, now. Isaac has Joseph set up to be a major brat. Isaac hasn't shown himself teachable. None of the parents in this line have.

The kid has talent, but he's daddy's favorite and arrogant. It occurs to me, that to have his talents most effectively used, something dramatic had to happen. This is big time dramatic, for sure, but does this illustrate "the bigger they are, the harder they fall"....so that they are usable by God?

And the story changes. No matter how we want things to be all about us, everybodys life just goes on.

Judah/Tamar.....once again, it stinks to be a woman. Better be a shrewd one.

Matt
vs 43-45
I love this admonition/arrow toward putting a good habit to replace a bad one. Nature abhorring a vacuum and all.

Ps
Appreciate v5 in light of Joseph and for me. Some of these boundary lines don't seem to fall in pleasant places, but He promised He's made my lot secure.

KidZone news

Church potlucks take a bunch out of me. I want to/ I think I should give the gift of drawing people out, being interested in them....not nosey....listening to what is important to them. At the same time, I want people to do that to/for me, but that doesn't happen much. The whole thing is very draining.

AND this, after teaching, which is fun, but requires a lot. AND all this without feeling and emotional familial support system in place.

Yesterday, though, I was given a giant gift. Two, count 'em, two of my KidZone kids approached me and asked if they could say sections of the books of the Bible. [An ongoing project we have.] This, not in class, but afterward. They had worked and worked and worked to master the Pauline epistles and the minor prophets while they ate and socialized at the potluck. Boys! Working at a party to learn the books of the Bible! What a gift. Thanks, guys! Thanks, Father.

Jan 17th

Matt
What a big thought to grapple with--where Isaiah is quoted. I'm going to have to chew awhile on "gentle, unoffensive until he wins." I don't even see how that can be done, but I can see why people would have hope when they see that power coupled with the gentleness.

Ps
...but I can construe the Ps passage to say the characterization of Jesus in Matt/Is is a practicum on what makes this kind of character. AND THIS STUFF IS HARD at least for me. If you had the confidence in God to do all this gentle stuff and not feel like you were getting trampled by life, I can see that you wouldn't be shaken.

Pr
Once again, all the pieces fit together. "My son [and alice], so not let wisdom and understanding out of your sight, preserve sound judgment and discretion; they will be life for you an ornament to grace your neck."

Jan 14th

Gen: Ugh, these people.

Matt - Ps -Prov
"Free received. Freely give" That's, sadly, harder for me than it should be. [Father, help me to recognize what I've received.] There has been progress over the years, but I still struggle with lack of generosity. Jim is so much better at that than I. Generosity with time or work isn't hard, but "stuff" generosity is. Maybe during this fast I'll get to the bottom of that and get it fixed.

The Psalm reading underlines the safety of generosity. The Psalmist says the Lord will keep the needy safe and protected.

I suppose there is some comfort in the Proverbs reading. I do seek wisdom. Interestingly, my work has shown examples of perceiving yourself as more spiritually mature/wise than you appear to others. If others can see this self-deception, how pitiful do we look to God?! The takeaway for me continues to be "Alice, you aren't such hot stuff."

...and then the struggle to own that despite that,God loves me. Round and round I seem to go, huh?

This is the first place things are not going Jacob's way. I'm pleased, however, that he showed perseverance it earning Rachel. Interesting that the hard times, a struggle for what he wanted is a big part of his character development. Took me awhile, but I figured out that was part of my situation, too. I think it may be part of the development of all strong people. The "how much do you want it" drives you crazy or is part of the mellowing process.

SER commented that she saw Jesus pretty clinical in a passage. Made me think. In this passage, I appreciate that he didn't get distracted from healing the little girl, but he healed the bleeding woman along the way.

"they laughed at Him." I want to get to the confidence in who I am and where I'm supposed to be that the opinions of others don't affect me. Oh, in the stickiest subject, I think I am. I'm still here. Okay, that's good to see. Maybe I'm stronger than I give myself credit for being.

Ouch. Then I read on "according to your faith let it be done to you." Okay, so I'm pretty sure this is where I'm still supposed to be, but it still hurts a lot. Is my mental health according to my faith?

Prov
Whether or not these life situations are discipline, I'm declaring that good and learning and Alice-mellowing will come out of them all.

Jan 12th

Not so many thoughts today. Certainly not much new. I always get ticked at Rebekah's mothering. Jacob is a chip off the old block, I'd say. No wonder those boys were messed up!

In Matthew, I'm always impressed with the friends of the paralytic

In Psalms I love that God defends the fatherless and oppressed. I've claimed "oppressed" status before. It didn't occur to me until I started to write this that Jim is oppressed, too. More backing off from my frustration/anger. Good way to redirect...and probably more properly direct...my prayers: "Father, break Jim's oppression."

Aaugh!

This fasting stuff is HARD! I'm allowing myself homemade vegetable soup, eggs, bread, some fruit, WATER. It's interesting how much my head aches. Not debilitating, but it hurts. I don't know if it's the absence of something I have gotten used to eating or just the lack of food. I'm dreading getting bored with the soup.

So spoiled. So spoiled. When I think about what many other peoples don't have to eat, I'm embarrassed.

I keep thinking of sneaking food. Hello! I'm not hiding stress eating from a certain someone or comforting myself when he's gone. This is an alignment with God fast! I'm thinking He'd know when I slipped. Pretty dumb. Interesting confrontation with the nature of temptation, though.

I've fasted before. The first 3 days are the hardest. I'm wondering about the drive to Columbus and about the eating when I'm down there. A matter of prayer, for sure. Ugh. I'd hate to have to effectively start over after having been to see Dave, but he's the bigger deal.

Man 0 man. Sixty-one and still so much growing up to do!

Jan 11th

Hmm. Here's a "fun" thing for me to put together: the section in Proverbs with my thoughts about the Matthew reading. So, I'm reading along, thinking of what I'll write about Matthew and "BLAM" the Proverbs hits me in the eyes...."be not wise in your own eyes." Spent time being guilty of that.

Here's the Matthew part. Jesus instantly calmed that storm. He could/can calm every storm, but He doesn't. I've had/have what I consider some pretty hefty storms, too. Several are ongoing. This is me, waving my hand shouting, "Calm THIS one! Calm THIS one!" He may be calming it, but it sure ain't instant.

Then Proverbs. Instant calming is what I want, what I think will be best. What I think. That trust thing again. I decide [again] to trust that good things will happen/are happening as a result of these storms. There are, of course, other people in this storm with me. But, for my part, I have strengthening to do, lessons to learn, protection to recognize.

Jan 10th

Genesis....."only, don't take my son back there." Sometimes, you just can't go back. Things will seem too familiar. You'll do things in the comfortable way. You'll never push to what you can become. AND sometimes, someone else, a trusted someone, has to be sent to do reconnaissance on your behalf.

Matt
In my head, I'm hearing the "yellow tape" singing, I too am a man under authority.... Maybe that will play in my head all day. That would be a good thing.

Prov 3:3-5 has been my friend for a very long time. I find the emphasis changes a bit, the these 2 verses are good friends. For now, the emphasis is to submit my ways to Him.

Jan 7

First
Prov
If I seek wisdom and understanding and insight, it takes me to God. Well, I'm conflicted. Much of my church life has pushed find God, find God, find God and trash my ability to think. How much of Alice is to be or is just naturally in my thinking? Not excited about being turned into a Christian robot. What good is that? Yet, I want the protection and covering of God. Well, if God is indeed knowing and merciful and knows the struggles of my heart, He can clear all this up. I want that. I want to be someone I'd be proud and happy to be.

Ps
Defense depends on God, huh? Wicked fall in their own pit, huh?

Mat
Boy, it's all about the heart inclination, isn't it? Don't do stuff to draw attention to "Look, she's a super Christian" That's the reward in itself. AND Be evangelistic.

Gen
I'm going to piggyback on something SER started in a post. She was ticked that Abram let Pharoah add Sarai to his haram. Made me think of God not putting up with that behavior. God stepped in on Sarai's behalf.

Well, he did it again in today's reading. Sarai hustled Hagar into build a baby. When Hagar got pregnant, she despised Sarai [wrong behavior] Sarai treated her harshly [wrong behavior] and Hagar ran off. And God appeared to Hagar, the mistreated who was a party in this spiral of wrong behavior. First time I'd put the pieces together of God stepping in when a person of lesser power is mistreated. Thanks for the insight!

Jan 6

Gen
I love this part of Abram/ham. I love how he saw the solution of conflict with Lot ....with its roots in success....that he let came up with a solution, let Lot choose whichever he wanted...which was the better choice....although he, himself, was the senior member and had the option of first choice. When Lot was in trouble, he just went out and saw to it that he was rescued. That he was humble enough to submit to someone else, Melchizedek. When God reaffirmed his promise to Abram, he was confident enough to express his observation of a major logic gap to the God of the universe! God explained, illustrated and cut covenant. Here, too, the working together! God says go get these components for the sacrifice. Abram finds the five piece sacrifice, prepares it, keeps the birds of prey off it, then God shows up. Explains Abram's future and the future of this yet unborn nation, then swoops up the sacrifice in a big display.

On the Lot's choice thing, although the plane seemed easier for raising cattle and the mountains harder, the plane had its own problems. The neighbors were a non-agricultural problem.

Matt
Now isn't this a bunch of thorny stuff altogether? I had decided that I wasn't even going to comment on part of it [Just too personal for paper] then I get to the v38-44 part. Zowee! So, Alice, keep on being kind. Keep on loving, blessing, doing good to those who go beyond hateful to persecution. Well, that will give me plenty to think about and work on today.

Ps
Yep. Read this one in the Amplified. V 1-9 I heart. V10? I don't particularly care what my enemies think. I just want them to leave me alone.

Pr
I've seen v 32 to be true. I want v33. I'm working on it. Today, I'm especially struggly with stuff, but I've got to get together by the time I go to work. Good thing it's later today.

Jan 5th

Running late today. Got up late. Found out there's an appointment that I didn't have written down. I'm preoccupied with "my ladies." Is yesterday's lady in the hospital or not? Oh, well.

As a result, just a few thoughts. Man. Abram/ham. Although he obeyed the voice of God and left home, on a day-to-day situation, he didn't trust God to protect him from the pharoah. Guess my doubt isn't so uncommon. I really don't want to be situationally loyal.

Sermon on the Mount. Meaty stuff. I never feel like I really grasp all the beatitudes. The brother stuff later in the chapter makes me both sad and convicted. Sad because the acrimony between my kids. More within my control, what does "brother" mean? So, I'm going to have to continue to be vigilant about saying negative stuff about fellow Christians. There's this one lady........

Ps...That covering reference again. Selah.

Pr....See, there are the dangers of a rebellious and/or divided heart.

I know there's just a place for faith. To a degree, a decision. I admit to being a lot like Thomas..."when I see the healed wounds" and an inability to look at the overview of God's providence. I may seem okay or even good, but I'm also a mess. Sorry, God. Help needed.

Day 4

Gen
When the rain stopped and the wind started, I wonder what was happening from a meterological standpoint. I've read/heard lots of explanations for lots of Bible stuff, but not this one. Wonder about the germination time of an olive.

Honest confession: I did a bit of speed reading through the "begat"s. It says the world was divided during Peleg's life. Wonder if that was when the major plate shifts caused the continents.

Matt
"I will make you fishers of men" I've been around some powerful spiritual people. I wonder if the spiritual power of Jesus made it not weird for Him to say such a weird? dumb? thing to these rough, blue collar working men OR if there is some sort of Jewish idiom I don't know.

James and John, sons of Thunder. Anger management issues? Complete with a pushy mom. It's encouraging to me that John became known as the beloved. Hope for trasformation of my pushy broad, big-mouth self.

Wow, no wonder they brought sick people to Jesus. Can you imagine being healed of epilepsy or paralysis in that backward medical day?

Ps
I've quoted v8 for years to help me get to sleep. Nice to see an old friend.
V1..I appreciate seeing this dilemma I often feel. ..the request to answer me when I call [am I hearing some panic here?] although you can give evidence of being rescued before. I know it helps me to remember when God has rescued me before, but it still takes the decision to remember. I'm embarrassed that I don't have the unshakable, automatic confidence that God will either teach me or rescue me. I know what color my hair will be when I look in the mirror. I want that sort of confidence. I've proven to myself that I'll seek Him out. I have only "quote the verse" confidence not "heart confidence" that I'll be rescued. Isn't that the way this Christian walk is supposed to be?

Pr
Once again, these readings all tie in together. V23 ties it all up. Well, I AM seeking Wisdom. Please, make your words KNOWN to me.

Day Three

Genesis
Even God gets totally disgusted with us. Here's just the first time. In Moses, He'll get to that point a couple of times. I appreciate, though, that even when He's totally disgusted, He's still looking for the good points - v 8. I'm working on imulating that. It's not wishy-washy, it's determined positive thinking! It's not wishy-washy, it's determined positive thinking! It's not wishy-washy, it's determined positive thinking! And sometimes, the positive takes longer to see, I'm thinkin'

Wonder if the ark was equivalent to the size and shape of a super tanker.

Matt
More hard stuff. Being positive is so much work for me, sadly. I'm all "Go, John, you tell them what a brood of vipers they are!" because I'd like to yell the same thing a a bunch of people. Then Jesus comes, John straightens up, but still, in his sense of his mission, negotiates with Jesus for an okay to "out" him. Is that Jesus indulging him? Hmmm. How many times am I negotiating so I feel in control rather than focus on what I've been assigned to do. Too many.

Then, the Son of God goes off by Himself for some serious one on one time with His Father. ...with his [our]arch enemy aware of the whole deal, waiting to dangle shortcuts to victory in front of Him. UGH. Even Jesus had to deal with redirection temptations. I just need to refocus and stop whining. I need to quote with power the right covering scriptures I know. Well, I need to focus, too, on believing that God has my back like Jesus knew God had his back. Okay, so, if I look at things point by point, I've expected God to be there for me more than I've appreciated that God is there for me. He has been there for me. I could list a long list. Perhaps that'd be a good place to spend spare time today.

Ps
Well, there you go. When I get to Psalms, that's what I'm saying. I need to read this one several times. "my shield, my glory, [and most needed]the lifter of my head" I may spend some time today concentrating on His lifting my head from sorrow and embarrassment and frustration and low self-esteem and telling me He's on my side, He loves me, He recognizes the discouragements and hard places and that it's enough--He's enough. None of the rest of this trash is overpowering because He's lifting my chin and loving me.

Pr
Finally, something that doesn't sound tempting or conducive of self-pity. ...then thoughts of "be careful where ye stand less ye fall" flash through.

Okay, so the tapestry of the Gen, Mat, and Ps is my selah for the day.

Kidzone Off-Roading

A few months ago I volunteered to help teach Sunday School....in our little church there are only three classes~ baby nursery, 3 yr through kindergarten, first through 5th grade. I don't fit with the nursery. Need to productively teach, not just hold babies and keep toddlers amused. I'd do okay with the middle group, but Keri does such a wonderful job, so I'm not really needed there.

I've landed in the upper group. At first it felt a little like treading water in class 5 rapids, but it's/I'm better, now. Now, we work like a unit most of the time. These are not traditional church kids. They think and answer like kids, not church kids. I'm in favor of both. I'm a former church kid, "correctly" trained in the right answer. The real kid answers challenge me and keep me on my toes.

A word about the curriculum. It's canned. That makes the variation of teachers [3 of us rotate weeks] less disruptive for the kiddletts.

So, I said we worked like a unit most of the time. Oh, you need to know that the class size and composition varies a lot. Several of the kids are with the Other Parent every other week. If I'm teaching every other week, I may not see these kids at all. For most, church is another option for Sunday. If something better comes along, we'll do that instead.

There's lots more to share about class and what we cover. I may get to that another time, but I want to tell you about today. The lesson was about "Count the Cost." The DVD teacher explained that committing to becoming a Christian wasn't just happy, happy, happy, always right answers all the time.....so count the cost before you commit. Being a Christian is going to land you in uncomfortable places and unpopular places and ugh. So, sign right up!

Um....NO. If that's all you say, the obvious answer to real kids is "Hooray, I just got my Sunday morning back! Forget this church stuff." I previewed the lesson, talked with Ken and Keri [pastor and mrs. pastor] and Ken said, "Well, just go off road. I trust you to teach them."

Well, thanks for the confidence....

So, I played the canned lesson but stopped the DVD and editorialized several times.

I explained the three parts of the God family. In our family there were grandparents, parents, kids. In God's family there is God, Jesus, the Holy Spirit. YOU have three parts: body, soul, spirit. Then there was this super demonstration with oil, water, and Alka Seltzer....Alka Seltzer energizing your spirit...er...um....water......I can tell you more another time.

Told them everybody has hard times, not just Christians. Everybodys dog dies. [One kid said she didn't have a dog...You understand what I mean, right? ... Oh, uh, yes.] We made paper wads from a full week of newspapers. We had a wiffle ball [YOU are the wiffle ball] We had a plastic bin. [heaven] We had a clear shower curtain. [covering of the Holy Spirit] We all threw paper wads at the person walking across the room to get themselves to heaven. Troubles come.....Shit happens, in the vernacular and unSunday School speak. The choice is whether to sign up and get the protection of the shower curtain/Holy Spirit or not. They got it.

I love these kids. I love teaching. I love to see the "Aha!" I love being guided into the creativity to teach. Every other Sunday morning is hard work, good fun, and so rewarding.

Day Two

Genesis 3:1 - 4:26
Ugh. What a heritage. Eve: easily dupped. Adam: didn't take leadership or responsibility. Abel: did the right thing and got murdered out of Cain's jealousy. ...and all this stuff continues. I don't have trouble with murder, but I've been dupped and not protected and jealous and felt punished for doing right. Wah. So. pull up the bootstraps and decide to do better? There's little comfort in "at least I came by it honest."

Matt 2:12 - 3:6
Hooray for Joseph and John, Baptist! After the Genesis reading it's comforting and redemptive to hear about these two men. They each recognized the voice of God and obeyed it. Amplified says that both times the angel gave Joseph directions to leave/come back, he told Joseph to rise and go tenderly. I love that. Don't panic Mary and Jesus. Get it done and be gentle. I love that.

Ps 2:1-12
A whirl of feelings on this one. So, when the bad guys [us?] spurn God, he laughs at them [chuckles or guffaw? It isn't clear] then messes them up and warns the folks to be focused on the Son who will cause safety. So, I was taught this ticked off God and that I'd better be in the safety of His cover, but I didn't own/see that He loved me, Alice. I'm still working to take down the wall of self protection to let the warmth and healing love penetrate. I'm embarrassed to say that, too often, I want my opposition punished right now while I want a long rope of mercy for me. Sixty-one and still not grown up all the way.

Prov 1:7-9
Man-o-man, my psyche is churned up now. I love that v7 puts the 3 previous readings in perspective. So, awesome fear/respect of God is the beginning of knowledge. But then there are v 8-9. Learn this stuff from my parents?! Take the responsibility to be the teachers of my children?! By being stung by Mom and Dad's inadequacy...although they didn't consciously make mistakes. [I learned early that I wasn't supposed to be feeling what I was feeling. Early deva was not welcomed]....I'm brought to the reminder that I, too, as a parent was inadequate. In this parental position, we can't read what's going on inside those little brains. We make mistakes because we can't see or we are bringing baggage of our own. Augh. It's going to take willing-to-seek-healing children and an all knowing, all powerful God to fix the broken places.

Okay. So this is supposed to be encouraging. Maybe it [and by "it" I mean I] has to be busted up to be rebuilt properly. It's a good thing I'm the kind of person who keeps on keeping on because this set of readings is not so cheery or encouraging to me today. I need to meditate on the Matthew reading, I'm thinking. No, I need to process the whole thing. Things to chew on today, huh?

As I think of it, this is why I don't journal. It takes me awhile to put a positive spin on things. Ugh. Maybe this blogging thing isn't such a good idea for me.

Day One

First, it's fair to make some observations.

I've been reading through the Bible over and over for over 20 years. I've read it online. I've listened to it on headphones. It's become to much "Done, check mark, on to the next." Not so much learning or inspiration anymore. To a large degree, I think I'm doing what my mother called "preaching from the overflow." That's what she said when she was called on to teach a class without advance warning. Only for me, I'm not preaching, I'm reading with tired eyes. Doing it to get it done. Am I coasting? Am I gleaning from years of absorption? Not sure. I do know that I'm not as attentive to what I read as I would expect a good student to be.

Next observation. I already read my daughter's entry for the day. Oops. I can see it influenced me. I may not be [self]allowed to read hers before I've written mine. That should be an incentive. I love to read what she wrote.

I think I'll keep my 4 translations Bible back by the computer. That way I will have choices. Today I'm reading from the Amplified. Wordy, but I love it. I appreciate that the meaning of these Hebrew and Greek words are expanded in their meaning.

For now, I think I'd better jot down thoughts as they come to me. Overview later?

All that said preliminarily just to say.....
Gen 1:1 - 2:25
In the Amplified, rather than say that God saw something made and declared it "Good," it says He saw that it was good (filling, admirable) and He approved it. Pleased with His work. I'm working on that, but not so good at it. It feels like bragging and that's not good, is it? Well, maybe it is. I'm taking this as permission to be happy with a project.

And look how, in creation, He makes harder and harder stuff. And He didn't make Himself work until He got the whole thing done. He got to a logical stopping place and started again the next day. Lesson for Alice. It's okay to do hard stuff incrementally. Really.

Uncomfortable with describing the sun being the boss of the sky with all we know about stars. So, these Hebrews wrote about what they know. I find that this narrow view [and some of the stuff that follows in the history section] wheedles in to undermine my confidence in the whole text. Shall I sound a blasphemy alert?

I love that God included the ability to replicate in the creation. Excellent to not have to make the same stuff over and over. And natural selection. Excellent. What doesn't work doesn't make it. Natural selection pushes toward better and better. Excellent.

God rested and took the time to enjoy and be proud of what He made. Alice, pay attention, here.

Eden means "delight. " He really liked what He made. He liked us.

In chapter 2, I love the reference to the redundant safety measures. The mist watered everything, but there were also the rivers to water things.

The creation of the woman. ComplEmentary. From this point, man leaves his family of origin, unites with, clings to his woman to become a single unit. Hmm. Selah on this one.

Matt1:1-2:12
The genealogy. See, I know how screwy some of those Biblical relatives were, and yet, God chose to send His perfect son to be part of the mix.

And what the birth did to and for Mary and Joseph. Our pastor talked at some length about all the practical, day to day living of having an "early" baby and raising a son who was really not his biological son. Hard stuff. And thanks for, if you [and by "you," I mean "I"] are called to do something really, really tough, you get extra support....the visits by angels.... to explain. You don't forget visits by angels and special insight moments. Later on, when we get to the proclamation of Samson, we'll see that sometimes we have the ability to do what we are asked to do without special instructions. All selah stuff for me.

"Can't see the forest for the trees" moment? The wise men from the East recognized that God had sent His son, but the hometown crowd missed it? How good do I have things or what should I appreciate that I don't recognize? Note to self, hunt for these things.

Ps 1:1-6
Loved revisiting the notes from Marie Perkins teaching on this Psalm. Her points to live by design rather than by default. To decide what to "meditate on" right things/ideas rather than walk, stand or sit down in "not good for me" places. Another selah.

Prov 1:1-6
The Amplified says proverbs are "truths obscurely expressed, maxims, and parables." Okay, so I'll dig to make these unobscure.

Vs 4-6. I love that. The ability to communicate [teach? preach?] at multiple levels at once so that the whole audience gains no matter what their level.

So, this was pretty wordy. Hmm. Will this be a good thing? Well, it's an evolution, I guess. Let's hear it for the ablility to edit! Let's hear it for not spreading the word that I'm blogging until I gain some confidence and decide how totally open I'm going to be.

To start

So, this is something new. My grown children are excellent writers. One loves to blog and has started a second blog...this time about her spiritual journey. Well, *gulp*, me, too. I mean, um, uh, I'm going to try this blogging thing...about....um, uh, spiritual things.

I've been a believer in Christ since I was tiny. That was the prevailing thing to do in our household, [our country?] Did the profession of faith thing when I was 6. Went to a Christian college. I can spout all the right answers and a fair number of scriptures. I've even been told, on occasion, I'm wise.

But there is a heart issue. My heart doesn't really feel all that safe, and part of what I "spout" is there IS safety. I want what I say. Perhaps this discipline of blogging about my thoughts while I read the Bible through in a year will take me to that safe place. That would be a good thing, don't you think?