Day Two

Genesis 3:1 - 4:26
Ugh. What a heritage. Eve: easily dupped. Adam: didn't take leadership or responsibility. Abel: did the right thing and got murdered out of Cain's jealousy. ...and all this stuff continues. I don't have trouble with murder, but I've been dupped and not protected and jealous and felt punished for doing right. Wah. So. pull up the bootstraps and decide to do better? There's little comfort in "at least I came by it honest."

Matt 2:12 - 3:6
Hooray for Joseph and John, Baptist! After the Genesis reading it's comforting and redemptive to hear about these two men. They each recognized the voice of God and obeyed it. Amplified says that both times the angel gave Joseph directions to leave/come back, he told Joseph to rise and go tenderly. I love that. Don't panic Mary and Jesus. Get it done and be gentle. I love that.

Ps 2:1-12
A whirl of feelings on this one. So, when the bad guys [us?] spurn God, he laughs at them [chuckles or guffaw? It isn't clear] then messes them up and warns the folks to be focused on the Son who will cause safety. So, I was taught this ticked off God and that I'd better be in the safety of His cover, but I didn't own/see that He loved me, Alice. I'm still working to take down the wall of self protection to let the warmth and healing love penetrate. I'm embarrassed to say that, too often, I want my opposition punished right now while I want a long rope of mercy for me. Sixty-one and still not grown up all the way.

Prov 1:7-9
Man-o-man, my psyche is churned up now. I love that v7 puts the 3 previous readings in perspective. So, awesome fear/respect of God is the beginning of knowledge. But then there are v 8-9. Learn this stuff from my parents?! Take the responsibility to be the teachers of my children?! By being stung by Mom and Dad's inadequacy...although they didn't consciously make mistakes. [I learned early that I wasn't supposed to be feeling what I was feeling. Early deva was not welcomed]....I'm brought to the reminder that I, too, as a parent was inadequate. In this parental position, we can't read what's going on inside those little brains. We make mistakes because we can't see or we are bringing baggage of our own. Augh. It's going to take willing-to-seek-healing children and an all knowing, all powerful God to fix the broken places.

Okay. So this is supposed to be encouraging. Maybe it [and by "it" I mean I] has to be busted up to be rebuilt properly. It's a good thing I'm the kind of person who keeps on keeping on because this set of readings is not so cheery or encouraging to me today. I need to meditate on the Matthew reading, I'm thinking. No, I need to process the whole thing. Things to chew on today, huh?

As I think of it, this is why I don't journal. It takes me awhile to put a positive spin on things. Ugh. Maybe this blogging thing isn't such a good idea for me.